Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
