I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
