matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
