Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Someone signed my nipple.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
