I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
