I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
