I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
