I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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