she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you traded sex for a burrito?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
