you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
We need to feng shui this bitch.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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