The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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