Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I stole a fireplace last night.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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