Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
