we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
