I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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