dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
