I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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