We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
