If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I think I am morally bankrupt
no you cant smoke seaweed
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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