Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
