Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
