Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
