Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
