drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
