Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
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She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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