I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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