i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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