you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
