Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
