So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
