break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
