sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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