I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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