Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
