every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
