Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
