May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
