capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
