literally had 100 drinks last night.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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