Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
