Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
