I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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