but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
