we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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