yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
you told grandpa to call you daddy
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
