My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
