He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
