Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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