OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
