He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
