we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
