A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
there is glitter all over my balls
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