I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
