Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
