Someone shit on the floor
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
