my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize