i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
