She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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