The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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