there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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