If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
