Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
