you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
