the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
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A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
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Send help, water and tortillas.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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