I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
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its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
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I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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