Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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