He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
